Spanish

So I work for International Services. And I absolutely love it. It's pretty much the best job ever. Everyone in the office is so nice, and we're all good friends. And it's Allyson's last day of work tomorrow, because she's graduating.

So what do I do at International Services? We help international students stay in status so that way they can keep studying in the country. We authorize them to work on campus and off campus. We extend their I-20s (the document that says they're students), reprint lost ones, and answer any questions they have regarding the above topics. (Trust me, it's a lot more complicated than this. I promise.)

What else do I do? I answer variations of the questions: "Do you speak Spanish?" and "Where are you from?" a few times a day. At least. Just once, I won't get asked either of those questions. Because when I answer with "Not really" and "Texas", respectively, I get such disappointed looks from these International Students. Seriously. Just once, people will realize that Texas is a pretty cool place too, even if it isn't international. Or even better, I'll be able to answer "Soy puertorriquena" and hold a conversation with a student pertaining to what they need.

I don't know why this bothers me so much. I mean, I get asked these questions often enough that I should be used to it by now. I guess it's because it makes me feel inadequate. "Oh, you know all of the requirements and rules for CPT and OPT? Well, it doesn't matter, because you don't speak Spanish." That's what I see in their disapproving eyes. Maybe I'm just being super self conscious. I should know Spanish. And I can understand the majority of what people are saying, even when it's fast. I'm just so terrified to speak it! I know, I know. I won't get over my fear until I just suck it up and deal with the fact that I'm going to butcher the grammar. And how I think in English, so everything is just wrong. But it's more than that. When I try to hold a conversation with someone, I just forget everything. I can hold a perfect conversation with myself. It's great. I can remember how things are supposed to be said and everything.

No me gusta hablar espanol porque yo tengo miedo. Yo pienso que los hispanos se reiran a mi espanol incorrecto. Mi espanol es muy malisimo, y yo no puedo recordar las palabras correctas.

See? Not perfect, but doable. Now, put me in front of a Spanish speaker, and it all goes down the drain. Not even kidding. But I will work on it. My goal is that by the time my Spanish speaking friends come back from their missions, I'll be able to talk with them fluently. I actually have lots of goals over the next two years. Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish them all! Like going on my own my own mission. Oh, I guess that means it'll be three and a half years till I get to speak to my friends in Spanish. We'll see how that goes.